• Mitsubishi designs a Lancer ignition switch from which it is difficult to extract keys.
• An earlier Ghana semester program director buys a Lancer with a computerized access control key fob.
• Someone loses the spare key to the Lancer.
• Two days ago, I use extra torque to remove the key and the fob falls apart.
• Yesterday morning, I carefully put the key fob back together and start the car. (However, it is insecure and vulnerable to future destruction.)
• I take the car to CFAO Motors to get an oil change and a new key.
• Just before I arrive, the technician departs for the workshop where the key-cutting machine is located. The next trip to the workshop is scheduled for late afternoon.
• I decide against making the new key when informed that it would be ready only after I need to pick the kids from school.
• Yesterday evening, Tracy decides to visit a cat.
• Tracy neglects to tell me that she’ll drive. (I assumed she would be visiting the the cat that is within walking distance.) She doesn't tell me she’s leaving the flat. She doesn’t take her phone.
• I realize that Tracy is gone and reach for my phone to warn her about the fragile key. But her phone is on the nightstand in the bedroom.
• Tracy decides to stop at the Night Market for some ice cream.
• Tracy tries to remove the key from the ignition, thereby destroying the key fob—again. The all-important chip falls to the floor of the Lancer, and the metal portion of the key remains in the ignition. She can’t remove the key from the ignition, she can’t put the key fob back together, she can’t call to ask what should be done.
• Tracy decides to lock and exit the car with the metal portion of the key in the “accessories” position and the plastic parts of the fob in her hands. She takes a taxi back to the flat, assuming (hoping?) that I can put everything right. But, what remains of the key fob is ineffective for locking or unlocking the car doors, because the key is still in the ignition.
• I dispatch (angrily) to the Night Market in the dark, only to verify that, indeed, we are so screwed!
So, as of 8:00 PM yesterday evening, a chain of events years in the making led to us being locked out of the car with our only key in pieces, many of which were completely unreachable inside the Lancer!
• This morning, I call CFAO Motors who sends a technician to the Night Market with thief’s tools and jumper cables.
• I walk to the Night Market to re-join the Lancer. Along the way, I take a selfie with a massive termite mound.
• Stanley (our hero!) arrives and carefully and successfully breaks into the Lancer.
• I find the chip on the floor, remove the key from the ignition, put the fob back together, start the car, and follow Stanley to CFAO Motors.
• I wait the entire day at CFAO Motors for an oil change and a new key, all the while watching Premier League highlights at full volume in a very warm and crowded lounge.
This chain of events could provide the structure for an Avant-Garde (or Coen Brothers) film. You can’t make this stuff up.
—Matt
